Working the Flabs

Ok, so for the nth time, I decided to work out again to melt away these disgusting flabs. So yesterday, I tried to moderate my eating and had grilled/steamed fish with tomatoes and onions for lunch, and the same thing for today. I'm thinking of making a meal plan.

1 week

Ok, so I didn't post the whole last week. I wasn't feeling good, anxiety is to the highest level. I couldn't even set a concrete plan!
Btw, to divert my attention, I spent the whole week playing Granado Espada. It's cool, but sometimes I get bored playing and trying to level more. I'm still waiting for the Perfect World.

Sigh...

It's been days since I took the NLE and I still can't believe that I'm already at this point of my life. I can't believe that I'm already an adult and I have to be more responsible in my life. So what are my plans? Well, I do have some plans, but I can never put it into action, since it requires my license. I guess, I'll just have to stick with my PLAN A: study Nihonggo, while waiting for my NLE results. Why Nihonggo? Because I do have plans of working in Japan. Why Japan? Hmm... nothing really, I just find it cute.

Exam Second Day

Oh Dear God, this is the end of our exam, today I was able to finish NP III and NP V. Same thing as yesterday, most of questions were a bit annoying. I was expecting for this one again. Stay positive! Stay positive! I know I did my best, I tried to derive with the best possible answer. Tricky it is, but I'm still breathing and still telling myself to stay positive.

Unbelievable that the most crucial part of my life has finally come to end its phase. Will I be welcoming another phase of my life, or what? I'm being optimistic that the next review will not be for the local boards (again!) but for the NCLEX.

Exam First Day

I couldn't sleep well last night, probably because of increased anxiety. I kept on changing my position from time to time, and I'm even dreaming of our review sessions. Sigh, this is really it! It's the real thing and today, I did take the exam for the first day. I was shocked and wasn't expecting those kind of questions. It was way far from what we had reviewed from the past two months. I couldn't react much but I tried as much as I could to calm down and try to overcome the sudden burst of anxiety. NP I was a bit ok, but NP II damn, frustrating! I can't come up with the right words to describe how I'm feeling, but I'm still trying to think positive that I will make it. Every now and then I ask the Good Lord, to give me strength.

I didn't eat much today. Inside the testing room, I sat quietly as I wait for the exam to be given and to be finished. Am I gonna win this battle? Tomorrow will gonna be another fight. Am I well-equipped for this one? Or is it another shocking day... We'll see...

Flavor of Life - Utada Hikaru

Flavor of Life - Utada Hikaru

Arigatou to kimi ni iwareru to nandaka setsunai
sayonara no ato no tokenu mahou awaku horonigai
The flavor of life

tomodachi demo koibito demo nai chuukan chiten de
shuukaku no hi wo yumemiteru aoi furu-tsu
ato ippo ga fumidasenai sei de
jirettai no nan notte? baby~

arigatou to kimi ni iwareru to nandaka setsunai
sayounara no ato no tokenu mahou awaku horonigai
The flavor of life

amai dake no sasoi monku ajike no nai doku
sonna mono ni wa kyoumi wa sosorarenai
omoitoori ni ikanai toki datte
jinsei suteta mon janai tte

doushita no? to kyuu ni kikareru to “uun. nandemo nai”
sayounara no ato ni kieru egao watashi rashikunai
sinjitai to negaeba negau hodo nandaka setsunai
“aishiteru yo” yori mo “daisuki” no hou ga kimi rashii janai?
The flavor of life

wasurekakete ita hito no omoi wo totsuzen omoidasu koro
furitsumoru yuki no shirosa wo omou to sunao ni yorokobitai yo

daiyamondo yorimo yawarakakute atatakana mirai
teni shitai yo kagiri aru jikan wo kimi to sugoshitai
“arigatou” to kimi ni iwareru to nandaka setsunai
sayounara no ato no tokenu mahou awaku horonigai
The flavor of life

Planetarium - Ai Otsuka

Planetarium - Ai Otsuka

Yuuzukiyo kaodasu kieteku kodomo no koe
Tooku tooku kono sora no dokoka ni kimi wa irundarou
Natsu no owari ni futari de nuke dashita kono kouen de mitsuketa
Ano seiza nandaka oboeteru?

Aenakutemo kioku wo tadotte onaji shiawase wo mitainda
Ano kaori to tomoni hanabi ga patto hiraku

Ikitaiyo kimi no tokoro e imasugu kakedashite ikitai yo
Makkura de nanimo mienai kowakutemo daijoubu
Kazoe kirenai hoshizora ga imamo zutto kokoni arundayo
Nakanaiyo mukashi kimi to mita kireina sora datta kara

Ano michi made hibiku kutsu no oto ga mimi ni nokoru
Ookina jibun no kage wo mitsumete omounodeshou
Chittomo kawaranai hazu nanoni setsunai kimochi fukurande ku
Donnani omottatte kimi wa mou inai

Ikitai yo kimi no sobani chiisakutemo chiisakutemo
Ichiban ni kimi ga sukidayo tsuyoku irareru
Negai wo nagareboshi ni sotto tonaete mitakeredo
Nakanai yo todoku darou kirei na sorani

Aenakutemo kioku wo tadotte onaji shiawase wo misetainda
Ano kaori to tomoni hanabi ga patto hiraku

Ikitaiyo kimino tokoro e chiisana te wo nigiri shimete
Nakitaiyo sorewa sorewa kirei na sora datta
Negai wo nagare boshi ni sotto tonaete mitakeredo
Nakitai yo todokanai omoi wo kono sora ni

Sick and spinning

Sigh, I was so sick last night when I went home. I feel nauseated, I feel like my head is cracking and going to explode. Woo! It was so cold inside. I think I should switch places with my friends.
OMG! 6 more days to go!
Well, anyway, I feel better now.

Mood [anxious]

Plastic and Negative Force

How plastic can a person be? And what kind of a person who would do nasty things and try to keep on pulling us down? This is pure evil! I can't believe that this bitch still has the guts to say nice things wherein fact, the moment she stepped inside our house, everything's changed, to worst.
I mean, what the fuck! This is a total jinx and pure negative force!
Oh God! Please save my family from this bitch *cries*

Mood [angry]

Final Coaching

Well, today we had the start of our final coaching. We had rationalized NP 1, 2 and the first half of NP3. It was freakin' cold inside and it was quite boring and I was yawning the whole day. Nothing so special happened today except that I remembered of the stupidest thing I've done last month! Guess, what, I think I got my vagus nerve stimulated one time when I was moving my bowel a few weeks ago. It wasn't intentional, but I think I had strained too much. I was really scared at that time. I thought I was gonna die at that time and whew! God, I really felt something and when I checked my pulse, it was really slow! Thank God and nothing bad happened.

Mood [happy]

The end is near

So, I wasn't able to sleep early last night because I had an almost 3 hour nap yesterday and I ended chatting on phone with my long lost friend. We talked about so many things, most especially her 'bitterness with the ex of ex's'. It's pretty funny to think, that we haven't seen each other for about 7 years. She was really a very good friend, someone I consider special.
Before I slept, I set the alarm at around 12am, I have to make small sacrifices and I don't mind following few advices. When it alarmed, I said my prayer and went to sleep again. It's almost 8am, but before I go to our venue today, I'll just go and visit the church. I'm not that religious and honestly speaking, I rarely hear mass, I swear. The reason why I'm going to church, just now, is because I need some peace, a peaceful and quiet place, or should I say a solemn place to say my prayer. I have faith in Him and I do believe in myself. I'm not going extreme, but I'm doing my part. When I was still studying, I've been very good. I played my part well, I've been going to class everyday and I rarely absent myself. I study and give myself a decent grade. I do my cases, assignments and almost everything. I don't even skip classes nor cheat on my mom about school payments. In short, I've been a very good and obedient daughter. And so just now, I feel like, I deserve to pass, or maybe I'm just bargaining here. But I really, really want to pass, and so just to boost my self-esteem and morale, I always tell myself, that I will pass.
I know, people around me keeps on telling me that 'it will be ok', 'you will make it', but whatever it is, only one thing can give me comfort and remove my anxiety and even traces of it, the license itself and nothing else.

Mood [restless]